


I Sink Farther

by coatlicue



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Character Study, Cheryl Blossom Tops in This One, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Smut, This one is angsty, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, but they love each other - Freeform, choni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 11:13:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14163597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coatlicue/pseuds/coatlicue
Summary: You reach out to stroke her face with your fingertips, careful to avoid all the painful looking marks. She closes her eyes, sighs, and leans into the palm of your hand. It's only then that you realize that Toni is trembling.-Or, I tried to delve more into Toni's character and it got a bit out of hand.





	I Sink Farther

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "bullet" by ann marr aka the choni anthem
> 
> _please_ scroll to the end notes if you are sensitive to anything for the trigger warnings. stay safe!!!

A gentle tap resonates from your window and your entire body goes rigid.

The revolving door of images begins--Sister Woodhouse with a needle, Nana Rose in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, your mother's claws on a black steering wheel, Nick St. Clair's hand on your thigh, your father's forefinger on a trigger, your brother reaching out to you from beneath ice cold water.

And then there's another tap, one that rips you completely out of your trance.

Slowly, hesitantly, you get out of bed to pull back the curtain.

"Toni?" Your voice comes out a hoarse croak, but the panic in your chest settles as soon as you see pink hair illuminated by the full moon. You open the window and guide her in by her forearms.

She turns to you, "I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go."

It is only then that the light streaming in through your open window allows you to see the bruises that adorn her brown skin. A black eye. A split lip. A cut above her right eyebrow. This alone concerns you, but it is the way her eyes are downcast that really forces your chest to tighten.

Because you've seen your girlfriend with bruises before. It kind of comes with the territory of dating a Serpent. She has stormed into school numerous times with her head held high, skin various shades of purple after a fight with some Ghoulie.

But this is different.

You reach out to stroke her face with your fingertips, careful to avoid all the painful looking marks. She closes her eyes, sighs, and leans into the palm of your hand. It's only then that you realize that Toni is trembling.

"Baby... What happened?" You ask, but Toni only shakes her head, a single tear falling out of the corner of her eye. You wipe it away with a shaking hand and pull her into you. You rack your brain for what could possibly be happening, what could bring your girlfriend to her knees in this way, and a tight knot of anxiety grows in the bottom of your stomach.

After what feels like hours but was realistically only a few minutes, Toni pulls away.

"God, I'm sorry I'm such a mess." She wipes her tears with shaking hands.

"Don't be." You entwine your fingers with hers and squeeze her hand twice. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."

She lets herself be led to the restroom that is joined with your giant bedroom, where you sit her down on the toilet as if she were a doll. Your hands are shaking when you lean down to find the first aid kit you keep stashed at the back of your medicine cabinet. Tears are prickling at your eyes, but you take a deep breath and force yourself to get it together. _How many times has she kept it together for you? It's your turn, Cheryl._

You get on your knees and cradle her head in the palm of your hand as you wipe away the dried blood on her face. An instant ice pack is pressed along the myriad of purples on her face. You spread ointment on the cut above her eyebrow and try not to cry when you see her flinch.

"I'm sorry." You say, and lean over to press a gentle kiss against the top of her forehead. "What do you want to do?"

"Can... can we go to bed?" She says in a voice smaller than you've ever heard it.

"Of course."

You let her borrow your warmest pajamas: an old pair of cotton sweats and a worn Riverdale High sweatshirt. You both climb into bed, an echo of that ill-fated sleepover from so many months ago.

The silence is suffocating. There are so many questions forming a vortex in your head but you can't voice any of them for fear of prodding. So you lie there, two inches away from the girl that you love, helpless.

And a small voice reverberates through the room, "Cheryl?"

You turn over immediately, "Yeah?"

"I didn't get these in a fight."

"No?" You say, feigning ignorance in a valiant effort to give Toni an out in case she needs one.

"I've been crashing at the White Wyrm for a few weeks now." Toni says, her throat audibly tight. The rock in your throat falls to the bottom of your stomach. _How did you not know? How could you not notice?_

"Toni, I'm--"

"Don't say sorry. You couldn't have known. I'm careful about that."

You find her hand under the covers and tangle your fingers together, "You could have told me, you know. I wouldn't have judged you."

Toni sighs, "I know, Cher. I just... you've been through so much. And you're just starting to smile again. I didn't want this to become a burden for you."

You scoff, "Antoinette Topaz, you broke me out of conversion therapy. Nothing you could do at this point would make you a burden."

She laughs, hollow and empty, and the room is once again enveloped by silence.

You choose to break it this time. "I'm not going to prod, Toni. But I have to at least ask, where did those bruises come from?"

A shaky breath escapes injured lips and she begins to speak, "I had to get more clothes. And food to get me through the next few weeks. I had heard through the grapevine that my uncle was out of town for a construction job, so I decided to risk it and stop by his trailer. He still has most of my things."

At this point, Toni is crying in that slow, silent way that only pretty girls seem to know how to do. It rips your heart out of your chest, so you pull her body into yours, her head into your chest, once again astonished by how _small_ Toni really is.

"He's never been a big fan of me. My mom got locked up after my dad died for some petty drug charges, and I was placed with him. It meant an extra mouth to feed, something he didn't have the money or time for. Plus, it slowed down business. People don't really want to package weed when there's an eleven-year-old girl doing her math homework at the kitchen table."

Toni pauses, and you continue to draw spirals along the curve of her back to give her the time to gather her thoughts. All you can think is how blessed you are to know her.

"Maybe eight months ago one of the higher ups came over to the trailer to do business with my uncle. It could have meant a big break for him, an opportunity to move up from foot soldier to regional leader if he played his cards right. They drank, talked, and eventually my uncle passed out on the living room couch. The guy snuck into my room."

And just like that, everything begins to fall apart. Your chest tightens, and you press the softest kiss you can muster into the crown of Toni's head. Words aren't appropriate, so you try to convey all the things lodged in your throat through gentle touches. _I'm sorry_ and _I love you_ and _I'll kill him_ and _I love you_ and _I love you_.

"It took a while before I noticed what was going on. A while before I wrapped my head around it. He was hovering over me, one hand under my white shirt and one knee over my hips. I screamed so loud it woke my uncle up and he came running in. Y-you'd think he would have been mad at him... you'd think he would've... but ultimately, he looked at me and saw the reason why he was now stuck at the bottom of the rung."

You're crying now too, silent tears falling onto the top of Toni's head. "Baby..."

"Let me- Let me finish. Please."

You nod against her head and ignore your aching chest to force yourself to listen. "My uncle started drinking more. It was dangerous to be around him. So I started couch surfing, with Sweet Pea and Fangs and Jughead. But Sweet Pea and Fangs don't have the room and once FP came home Jughead didn't really have it either. So I decided to go back to the trailer only to find that he had switched out the lock and my key no longer worked."

"Is that when you started staying at the Wyrm?"

Toni sighs against your chest, "Yeah. It's not too bad. I have a makeshift bed in the basement and can shower at Sweet Pea's. But it's not an ideal situation. Which is why I went back tonight. But my uncle was home. And drunk. And not all too happy to see me. Which is..."

"Where the bruises came from." You finish for her.

"Yeah."

"I love you." You murmur, because it's the only thing that feels at all appropriate in this moment. The only thing that rings true.

She's still crying, her voice shaky when she answers you, "I love you too."

"Stay with me." You say, even though you know all too well that it's not feasible.

"Cheryl, _you_ shouldn't even be staying here. Imagine me, facing off against your horror show of a mother."

"I'm not letting you go back there, Toni. I'll face off against my mother if I have to."

"No." Toni shakes her head, "I don't want you to risk that. I don't know what I'd do if... because of me she..."

You understand what she means, so instead of pushing you say, "Then let me help you find a place to stay. I'm sure Veronica would let you stay with her for a bit, the Pembrooke is basically a home for strays with how often she takes us in. Then I can help you rent a place."

"You don't have to do that, Cheryl."

"Babe, most of my family's money is built on an empire that ripped off your ancestors. You don't have to feel bad about spending some of it to live."

Toni laughs, a watery tinkling sound that makes you think you're doing something right. "Wow, I guess white guilt really does pay off."

You giggle, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. It scrunches up and you swear, this girl is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. "You're going to be okay, you know that?"

"Yeah, Cheryl." She smiles, "I know."

You press a slow kiss into her mouth. You want it to say all the things that words aren't enough to convey. She kisses back lazily, taking her time to explore with her tongue and her lips and her hands. You use one hand to cup her face, mindful to avoid the bruises marring her skin. She clasps the other hand and guides it under her shirt.

You pull back, "Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life, Bombshell."

So you let your hand explore under her shirt. This is different from the other times you've done this. It's driven by pure, unadulterated _love_. Lust is secondhand. You used to laugh when adults called sex "making love," thinking they were being driven by some repressed ideology about what sex meant. But now you get it. You are creating a universe within each other. You are lovers of things beyond your bodies.

Pulling Toni's sweatshirt over her head, you move a knee over her hips to straddle her. You run red fingernails across the serpent tattoo that adorns Toni's ribcage, and Toni shudders.

Pressing a single kiss against the mouth of the serpent, you look up at the most beautiful girl you've ever seen and ask, "Can I?"

She smiles down at you, "Yes. Please."

Tonight, you take care of her. You reach behind her to unclasp her bra and then press a trail of kisses down her chest. Goosebumps emerge all over her skin as you pull her nipple into your mouth.

One hand slips below the waistband of her sweats while the other kneads her breast. Your fingers feel how wet she is and you feel your throat close as you trail them around her clit. How is this girl yours? You feel her shudder against you when you press the first finger gently into her.

"Oh God, Cheryl."

You move up to suck softly on her neck and you feel her swallow. The thought of her walking into school with a mark that is clearly from you makes your mouth go dry. "I love you" you whisper into her ear before pulling back to go down to where she really needs you.

You pause to check in on Toni again and make sure this is really what she wants. When you look up you see Toni: topless, breathless, and sweaty. She is the most beautiful sight you've ever seen. You lift an eyebrow, a nonverbal way of asking if this is okay, and she lifts her hips in response. While pulling her sweatpants and panties down her legs, you don't break eye contact with her.

You're afraid that if you do you'll look back and realize you've lost her.

Flattening out your tongue, you lick lazily up and down her entrance. You can feel her begin to become impatient but you refuse to rush this. Moving two fingers to be buried inside her, you move your tongue to circle around her clit with no direct contact. She buries a hand in your hair and tugs it: gentle, but pressing.

You feel her walls clench and unclench around your fingers, so you finally give her what she needs. You suck on her clit with a newfound fervor until you feel her walls tighten around your fingers. Toni shakes and you slow down as she rides out her orgasm. When she's finished you pull your fingers out of her and pull up to kiss her.

There's something about feeling her taste herself that drives you crazy.

"Cheryl... that was..."

You smile, "Yes, Toni, I am a woman of many talents."

"That you are." She presses a kiss into your neck, "Just give me a few minutes."

And even though the incessant throbbing between our legs is unrelenting, you shake your head. "Not tonight, babygirl. Tonight is about you."

She looks over at you softly, her brown eyes glittering in the moonlight that still streams in through your window. "You're a marvel, Cheryl Blossom."

"Sensational?"

She scoffs, "Yes, Cheryl, _sensational_."

"Why thank you, miss Topaz. I do sure try my best."

Toni's eyes change and the mood suddenly becomes more serious, "Thank you. For... everything. For being here. For listening."

You want to say that there's no need to thank you. That you are astonished by her strength. That her resilience is unmatched. That you'd go to the ends of the earth for her. That you cannot wait to write the rest of your life with her in it.

Instead you press a kiss onto her mouth the way you wished you had when you were laying in this bed so many months ago and whisper against her skin, "Anytime."

**Author's Note:**

>  _warnings:_ there are some references to attempted sexual assault, abuse, alcoholism, and drugs in this one.
> 
> i'm back everyone and i've officially jumped ship to choni. i tried to give toni some background in this one, drawing inspiration from both my own experiences growing up in a community similar to the southside and statistics about orphaned children in poverty. 
> 
> i hope i did this justice because i love these two to death and not to be dramatic but i would die for them.


End file.
